Messy Healing: How This ADHD Woman is Moving Through Grief and Burnout by using Intuition

I've spent 3 days on the couch with my snuggly robe, 2 cats, and my mobile phone in the scroll hole.📲

A photo of Susan de Vriend, That’s so Susan blog

I am home. But home is different. Lots has changed in my life in a short period of time. In case, I didn't tell you, I was living in the US at the house I grew up in (US/Michigan) from early November to just last week, January 21st. In all that time, I was helping my Mom and visiting, caring, and eventually losing my father. 

The intense focus on this major life shift of having someone in your life to not, hasn't fully set in. While there, I was very busy running to hospitals and talking to medical professionals trying to make sense of the non-sensical process of a life ending. 

There were things to understand in fast succession and things to get really angry about, like pain medications that weren't being administered and negligent nurses giving prognosis without fully understanding my Dad's medical history or current diagnosis. 

The constant rushing around planning and organizing took up so much time and energy that I lost track of my own life in the process. My family was over there in Europe living the normal day to day and I was in the US just barely getting by. They would watch me break down over a Whatsapp group chat WHEN I could remember to call them. My whole body is out of remission and my emotional stability frayed beyond recognition. This is a combination of grief & burnout. 

Once my family was able to join me in the US, they brought me the necessary drugs to help my body get back to well (still in progress). I have a chronic illness and it is fully flared. I had to beg the doctor in an email that it is NOT the stomach FLU! And she complied in the knick of time. Thank God/Goddess!🙏

I am home but not quite. My body needs healing, my heart needs tending and my family and I need reconnecting. I want to be free of the uncomfortable place I am in. I know a process is unfolding that is painful, chaotic and revelatory, if I just can just let it be. 🙄

While talking with a friend the other day, I said this: 

"I just need to not." 

And though, that seems easy in a way, I find it is probably the one thing I am struggling with the most. I am too fidgety in my mind to slow down and just not. But I do believe it is necessary! So to remind myself, I made a t-shirt with the words “I just need to not.” in black. 

I think it will arrive next week. I hope by having it ON me that I remember to not DO and just be for awhile. Let whatever needs to be here have a space. And I think that may mean creating, napping, dancing, crying, and laughing. 

I am letting my intuition guide me through all of this.💯 Taking my time and receiving whatever comes my way that helps me restore. And, there is so much I want to share with you. Like, stories of miracles, random acts of kindness and amazing intuitive things that happened to me during my trip back home. Even as I am here writing, magical connections and synchronicities are happening. I feel a new chapter is rising. One that feels wild, intuitive, creative and FREE. And it is messy with all the grief and sadness to boot. I am going to be with it and let it show me the way. 

Next week, I'll reveal the shirt! Want to follow along with this lovely, expressive ADHD grief journey? Subscribe to my email list for updates, plus a fun Business Intuition guide to help you discover your intuitive senses and learn how to use them in your business!